Entry #6: Progressing Rather Than Arriving

Prompt: "Arrival Isn’t Real—But Alignment Is" Reflect on a time in your 20s when you thought you'd finally 'arrived'—at healing, confidence, success, love, purpose, peace… only to realize that life kept unfolding beyond that point.

• What did that "arrival" moment look like?

• What did it teach you about the myth of being "finished"?

• How did your definition of progress shift afterward?

• How do you now recognize alignment—those small, sacred checkpoints that remind you you’re on the right path, even if you’re not “there” yet?

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I think one of the few things I’ve always been sure of is the uncertainty and unexpectedness of life. I can’t say I truly ever let myself think or feel as if I’ve arrived or finished, because then I’m inviting life to humble me, and show me just how far I have to go. 

When it comes to confidence, there’s been moments when I’ve done the makeup, the hair's on point and the curls are popping, the heels are clacking and making a bold announcement of my presence with every step, my outfit radiates beauty and emphasizes my best features, my head is held high, my back is straight, my bag is strapped against my shoulder, and there’s an air of untouchable around me. And for that moment, confidence is coursing through my veins.

But at the end of the day, I take it all off, and then what? I’m left feeling like Cinderella at the stroke of midnight.

So what was that? Was it really confidence?

It's moments like these that make it clear that I haven’t achieved, or arrived, at the confidence I want yet. The one that doesn’t depend on the superficial but comes from within — that self-belief that I am her. 

Now, let’s tackle success. Arriving has always meant tackling the to-dos on my checklist, rather than some bucket list. It was graduating college. Finding a job. Achieving spiritual goals. It’s an endless pursuit to keep checking boxes, and creating new ones to channel my drive. Given my relentless drive, I don’t think I could ever finish and “achieve success”; I’d be restless. There’s always more to do, more to work on. 

And I’m very much aware that I haven’t arrived at self-love — which is made evident with my inner battles to be more of this and less of me — but there are sacred checkpoints proving that I’m on the right path.

I see them in my firm no when I’m invited to be part of a space for the sake of numbers. I see them when I accept invitations to places where I’m valued and seen. I see it in making time for and preserving my quiet.

I see it in the lessening guilt when I stay home to do “nothing” in the eyes of the world, but what feels like everything to me. 

Being finished? Not even close, each day it feels like I’m just getting started. 

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Note: Lessons from My 20s is A reflective series by Black Bonnet Girls. Lessons from My 20s is a journal-style series capturing the unfiltered truths, tender moments, and tiny awakenings that come with growing up and growing into yourself.  These entries are for anyone who’s ever felt stuck between who they’ve been and who they’re becoming. For the overthinkers, the late bloomers, the quiet dreamers, and the loud feelers. Through storytelling, reflection, and honesty, I hope this space becomes a soft landing—for me and for you.