Entry 11: Healing In Motion

Prompt: Write about the moment you realized healing wasn’t a milestone you could cross off a list—but something messier, more circular, and deeply personal.

Healing is a train that continues chugging and chugging away, with occasional stops and checkpoints, but no real destination. Once you heal from one thing, you’re on to the next. 

I think one of the reasons I had always been afraid or hesitant to start therapy was because I saw it as being prescriptive. I was expecting long conversations to identify and cure all that’s wrong with me — a tall task, I’d say — similarly to how primary doctors do. They’d ask me a few questions, and see how I think, act, feel, or don’t. They'd make a diagnosis, and then I’d leave with a plan of attack or medication to support the healing process. 

But then I did therapy for about a year, I think. And it taught me, well revealed, a different type of healing. There’s power in voicing the things you’ve never said aloud, and uncovering thoughts you didn’t even know you were there. 

There wasn’t medication involved, just conversations.

There wasn’t judgment involved, just observations. 

And speaking truths to what I’ve felt, seen, wanted, didn’t understand, or cared about most deeply was healing in motion. There’s still more unearthing to do in that aspect, so could you ever be done?

 I left therapy after weekly, then biweekly sessions with new tools and practices, and the ability to identify when I was spiraling or catastrophizing, among other things. 

But then, days later, I’d find myself doing the very thing I went to therapy to address — some way or somehow. 

Therapy gave me insight into when I’m about to spiral and cut it off the stem before it grows into something more than what it should be. It’s not feeling guilty or embarrassed to ask the questions that I need answers to make me feel comfortable going out. Who’s going there again? What’s the attire? How long is it going to last? Where is it? Simple questions. It might even look controlling. Having these answers is my golden ticket to keeping Anxiety at bay. 

Therapy helps me understand how important it is to satisfy my needs — how I treat myself, unwind, and rejuvenate. When I’m not carving out me time, I can pinpoint how that ties back to a sudden outbursts, snappy comebacks, fallen tears, or tensed muscles from frustration. 

In between our sessions, I quickly realized that I wasn’t going to do all the things we discussed to help me heal all the time. It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s because I’m human. Imperfect. Bound to make mistakes. Wanting to revert to what’s familiar, even if unhealthy. 

And that’s okay — not the return to toxicity but the fact that I’ll make mistakes. I’ll slip up. I’ll forget. 

Sometimes I will revert to my old ways.

But sometimes I will do better, think better, and assume a more healed version of myself. 

Healing is constantly in motion like train that never stops, sometimes it does go backward, and other times it moves forward. The goal is to definitely keep moving forward and to keep healing.

Understanding that that’s not always the case is healing in itself.

Healing is also realizing that and handling it with the truth and grace it deserves. 

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Note: Lessons from My 20s is A reflective series by Black Bonnet Girls. Lessons from My 20s is a journal-style series capturing the unfiltered truths, tender moments, and tiny awakenings that come with growing up and growing into yourself.  These entries are for anyone who’s ever felt stuck between who they’ve been and who they’re becoming. For the overthinkers, the late bloomers, the quiet dreamers, and the loud feelers. Through storytelling, reflection, and honesty, I hope this space becomes a soft landing—for me and for you.